Monday, March 12, 2012

Day 176 - "Does The Fugitive Have Any Distinguishing Features?", Insecurity In The Air, "Tax Reform Is HARD!", Rush Was Just Talking Dirty To 50% Of The World, Irrational Monetary Values, 'Accidents' Happen Mr.Yellow, "Honey Have You Seen F-35's Grades?", Some Serious Bread To Be Made In Presidential Pullets, A History Of Money That Is 1% Stretch and 99% Wind, Fierce O Fighting For Filet O Feh, and All Of This Could Have Been Avoided By Putting Up A Proper Playbill

Mr. Blue
"We attack the humans at dawn!"
11:23 AM Mr. Silver
"I'm looking for someone.  Have you seen a guy about 18" tall, white in front, black in back, with yellow cheeks?"
"Hmmm...maybe...got a picture?"
"Yeah...That one...23rd from the left, 80 back."
"Yeaaaah...I’ve seen that guy hanging around...he in trouble?"
“He’s a dangerous revolutionary.”



12:00 PM Mr. Blue
Mr. Silver
"TSA body scanners make you look fat," says critic.
12:19 PM Mr. Brown
Well that is just wonderful.
12:19 PM Mr. Blue
When I took the train to DC I was really kind of shocked by the lack of security checks; there were none.
12:20 PM Mr. Brown
They are all hyped on the whole airplane thing.
12:20 PM Mr. Blue
I just don't see anyone trying to hijack a plane again.  The only reason 9/11 worked is because the people on the planes (except for flight 93) felt that they were going to land safely somewhere as hostages.
12:21 PM Mr. Blue
If a bunch of guys stand up on a plane waving box cutters now, they're going to get mobbed.
12:21 PM Mr. Silver
The last couple tries weren't hijacks at all; they were just suicide bombers...really untalented ones.
12:21 PM Mr. Blue
Right.  They were terrible plans.  Blowing up a plane isn't that efficient really.  If the plan is to kill lots of people, you'd be better off bringing a large bomb to a square or building with no security.
12:22 PM Mr. Silver
I'm still waiting for someone to dethrone The Underwear Bomber for most embarrassing moniker.
12:23 PM Mr. Silver
Airlines would save a ton of effort just by KO-ing everyone in the cabin.
12:23 PM Mr. Blue
Good idea.
The pilots should be able to flip a switch that pumps in nitrous oxide.
12:23 PM Mr. Silver
No, I mean - "Welcome aboard.  When you wake up you'll be in London and it will have felt like 20 minutes."
12:23 PM Mr. Blue
Hahah
What a great idea!
"Whether you have plastic explosives in your underwear or you're just a nervous flyer, KO Airlines is right for you!"
12:24 PM Mr. Brown
Somebody will say: “What happens when the plane is going down?  How will they protect themselves?”
12:25 PM Mr. Silver
First class gets a bed instead of a recliner, and a voucher for a 4-star restaurant meal when you land.
12:26 PM Mr. Brown
“If you have sleep apnea, please let us know ahead of time so we can accommodate you.”
“If you would like a meal on your flight, choose ahead of time and we’ll have it pumped directly to your stomach.”
12:28 PM Mr. Silver
Nah...they would have to worry about pee breaks then.
12:28 PM Mr. Brown
“Pee bags provided.”
lol
12:29 PM Mr. Silver
"Thank you for joining us on Jet Blue.  Have you peed sir?  Step that way to the restroom queue please.  Next?  Thank you for joining us on Jet Blue.  Have you peed ma'am?"
12:31 PM Mr. Brown
Court houses never really have too many incidents, and they don't use anything but metal detectors.
12:32 PM Mr. Silver
"Nobody move and no one gets hurt!  Your Honor, I want you to fly this courthouse to Iran!"
12:33 PM Mr. Brown
There is more of a chance of somebody walking into the new trade centers and blowing them up that way.
Or even the Pentagon.
12:36 PM Mr. Silver
How big of a bomb do you think it takes to knock down a skyscraper, Mr. Brown?
hehe
"Excuse me sir.  Security check.  We've heard rumors this building is a possible terrorist target...sorry.  Could you remove all metal, your jacket, and the box truck you are carrying and place them into the tray for inspection, sir?"
"There's nothing in the box truck except my ID and a few dollars, dude."
"I understand, but it's the rules, thank you."
(examines)
"The truck is ok.  You can take your stuff and proceed in, sir.  Next please?"
(looks up...60 men in overalls each with the same model oversized lunchbox) 
"We're together."
12:40 PM Mr. Brown
Well you could always pull the whole “Bring it in the building in pieces” method.
1:07 PM Mr. Silver
The idea is more to take the building out in pieces.  



Mr. Silver
"I just think it's interesting and convenient that all these critics think they can analyze my plan when we all know that math is too hard to figure this kind of thing out, even with a calculator.  Seriously, it's like they're just making up numbers to criticize my idea." 
1:15 PM Mr. Silver
"Who can seriously look at a claim like ‘$10.7 trillion dollars’ without rolling their eyes?  A trillion is, like, millions of dollars!  Yeah, right!"
1:15 PM Mr. Brown
LOL
1:20 PM Mr. Silver
"And what's all this stuff about ‘paying for it’ anyway?  The point is to not pay more.  Of course I don't want to pay for it.  They have this all backwards!  It's just stupid liberal politics!"
1:26 PM Mr. Silver
"There isn't a conservative out there that doesn't know what I mean.  We keep saying 'lower taxes to fix the economy' and the liberals just don't get it.  Lower taxes means you pay less taxes, so you have more money...DUH!.  Just look at the facts!" 
1:33 PM Mr. Silver
Anyway...that was my impersonation of Mitt if he was the "Math is Hard" Barbie.
1:34 PM Mr. Blue
"Don't ask me, I’m just a girl!"
1:34 PM Mr. Silver
"Let's go shopping!"
  


Mr. Silver
Speaking of conservative gaffe-masters....
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/03/06/limbaugh-blasts-overeducated-young-single-white-women/
1:56 PM Mr. Silver
"Hey!  I apologized for calling that over-educated unintelligent woman a slut and prostitute.  What's her problem now?"
1:56 PM Mr. Blue
“I descended to their level when I used those two words to describe Sandra Fluke.”
Mr. Silver
He had to crawl up a few flights before making the descent.
1:57 PM Mr. Blue
Right, because liberals are always calling women sluts.
1:57 PM Mr. Silver
I only do when they ask me to in private, and even then it bugs me. ;-)
1:59 PM Mr. Blue
Heheh
2:10 PM Mr. Blue
"Oooo!  Call me an independent woman!"
2:11 PM Mr. Blue
"Oh yeah!  Now tell me I’m radical and a progressive free thinker!  Oh God!  That's it!!!"



Mr. Teal
End result for Apple - $46.3 billion in sales last quarter.  That is only 4 months.
11:55 AM Mr. Silver
Or 3, even.
11:55 AM Mr. Teal
Oooopsie
“Quarter” threw me off.
Mr. Silver
(Flips Mr. Teal a 33.333 cent piece)
11:58 AM Mr. Silver
Check it out: President Taft on the front...Betsy Ross's cat on the back.
Mr. Blue
Heheh
I’m going to make some counterfeit $33.33 dollar bills.
12:05 PM Mr. Silver
Hehe
12:10 PM Mr. Silver
Cut a penny into 3rds for the gag
"I wouldn't want to short you...have a 3rd-Pence...It goes out an infinite number of places."



Mr. Yellow
My work truck is bleeding brake fluid all over the parking lot. The people that were using it killed my truck.
12:49 PM Mr. Silver
"I'm not sure what they could have hit it against...it's like a perfect perpendicular cut on the brake line."
"And the GM wanted me to run an errand 20 miles down the freeway today too."



12:39 PM Mr. Silver
Hey...if it didn't pass, the F-35 couldn't play football, and they're up for state champs this year!
12:41 PM Mr. Blue
heheh
That’s pretty ridiculous.
"Hey, let's waste billions and put the lives of our service men and women AND possibly all of our citizens at risk to save our own asses!" 
12:43 PM Mr. Silver
"Only specially qualified test pilots would be permitted to fly the jets, for now"
My grasp of English says that means there are no pilots rated to fly them except test pilots.
12:43 PM Mr. Brown
I think they did not want to look like idiots, but ended up making things worse.
12:45 PM Mr. Silver
"The F-35 did, in fact, get a passing grade in English Comp.  However it was given special permission to do its report on ‘Clifford the Big Red Dog’."



Mr. Gray
Man....how come I can’t get a McNugget worth $8k? Sheesh
1:28 PM Mr. Silver
It looks more like Jefferson to me.
He needs to wipe his nose too.
1:28 PM Mr. Gray
I thought it was a witch...the chin and nose.
1:29 PM Mr. Yellow
I think it looks like a chicken nugget, and I want the address and phone number of the person that paid for it.  I have some pictures of clouds to sell them.
1:30 PM Mr. Silver
"Next up for auction: Lot #15 - 'A chicken nugget that looks like one of those president guys on a coin.  Maybe the one on the quarter.' put up by Rebekah Speight"
1:32 PM Mr. Yellow
lol
1:32 PM Mr. Silver
It’s definitely Jefferson not Washington. 




12:31 PM Mr. Green
Good article
12:34 PM Mr. Silver
This is an interesting spin on the history of money and commerce...
I mean, apart from the complete fabrication of, or incorrect interpretation of, nearly every point in it leading to an utterly naive conclusion.
It’s the weirdest combination of partial facts and balloon juice I've seen in a while.
12:36 PM Mr. Green
Balloon juice.... that's an interesting term.
12:37 PM Mr. Silver
M.A.S.H.
Best term ever to come out of Major Frank Burns



Mr. Brown
(sings) Give me my Filet O’ Fish give me my fish, ahh!  http://www.wapt.com/r/30624769/detail.html
10:31 AM Mr. Silver
Considering the Filet o' Fish is a flavorless wad of dough except for the tartar sauce, it's even less of an issue to shoot someone over than most of McDonald’s menu items.
10:32 AM Mr. Blue
I would shoot someone if they *gave* me a Filet O’ Fish
10:33 AM Mr. Silver
Good call.
Going to lunch...I’m not having a Filet O’ Feh.



2:08 PM Mr. Brown
2:14 PM Mr. Silver
Hey...they were on stage with an audience.
Always remember to bring a cash box and ticket stubs to this kind of party, and say your “manager” told you he got a “permit”.
at

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