356 - Millennium Air Crash, The Bond With The Golden Goofs, Masochist Writing Camp, "Plot 8 From Aether Space", "Disney's Magic Bondage", and Stupid Clueless Pieces Of Sith

(Long one...been a while - Mr. Silver)

Mr. Silver

So...Han Solo crashed the Millennium Airplane

Yesterday's news was "several minor injuries"

Today it says "serious"

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Mr. Silver

Article itself says moderate.

Please decide folks.

Mr. Amethyst

"Hes doin' alright. In fact he hopped out and started singing show tunes" - Fox

Mr. Silver

"Han Crashed First"

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Mr. Blue

I liked the meme where it showed them carting off Han Solo from the crash cast in carbonite.

Mr. Brown

I was wondering if, in other countries, it would say Han Solo crashed...like they know him by no other name.

LOL

Mr. Amethyst

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/03/06/266173C600000578-2982450-Twitter_users_also_took_the_opportunity_to_poke_fun_at_NBC_news_-m-23_1425650078228.jpg

Mr. Silver

Nice dig at Williams :-D

I'm telling you...Ford just wants out of Star Wars films somethin' fierce, and he'll cripple himself to do it.

Mr. Yellow

Well I think it is fate they may have to kill off Han.

Mr. Silver

(Harrison Ford) "Don't worry, I'll hold together! Hear me baby? Hold together."

Mr. Blue

Maybe he should get newer plane.

Something post-war perhaps.

Mr. Amethyst

Wasn't that an old fighter?

Mr. Blue

Yeah

WW2

Mr. Brown

Apparently he is a good pilot. They say he saved his own life.

Mr. Silver

(Disney Rep) "We've gotten you a replacement aircraft. We'd like you to fly this model exclusively for the next few years, Mr. Ford (hands Mickey Mouse 'ears' balloon)."

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Mr. Blue

“Selfish Actor Saves Own Life At Cost Of Historic WW2 Plane."

Mr. Silver

Watched some James Bond over the weekend. That's always fun.

“Live and Let Die”...always fun and had been saving it for Silver Jr. since it's a long one.

And "Die Another Day"...his first modern era one.

Mr. Blue

I never finished the Dalton one I started

Mr. Silver

Poor Dalton...

He should have been a good Bond.

I wanted him to be a good Bond.

He got two terrible scripts written by 80s folks taking as many drugs as the villains were running in both.

"Hey! Let's make the 1st Bond who keeps it in his pants!"

????

Psssst...NObody wants that.

Mr. Amethyst

"Come to bed, James"

"No thanks....not in this movie!"

Mr. Silver

The feminist movement didn't want that.

"Well, the no-sex thing bombed. Let's try again...Let's make up for the sex thing by getting him fired by MI6...and then add scenes of such gratuitous violence we get the first hard R rating in Bond history!"

Psssst...nobody wants that either.

Mr. Amethyst

I like gratuitous violence....

Mr. Silver

"Also, absolutely nobody liked the drug-runner plot in the first Dalton movie...let's try that again."

Mr. Blue

Dalton was probably the closest to Connery in terms of mixing sophistication with truculence.

Mr. Silver

Not Craig?

Mr. Amethyst

Truculence?

Mr. Blue

“Brutishness”.

Ms. Rose

Tequila is just about the ONLY alcohol I won't drink. It's a long story I won't bore you with. But the gist is that a bottle of extremely cheap and disgusting tequila was thrown at my head (!!!) when I was much too young to be drinking in the first place. It was aimed at me, per se. But being in the line of fire and subsequently puking my guts out just from the smell as turned me off tequila forever.

Ms. Rose

(I'm sorry for interrupting an important Bond discussion with my ridiculousness. Will stop now.)

Mr. Amethyst

Sounds like my kinda party! Sounds like Yule...

Mr. Silver

I thought you were writing a scene from a Bond movie.

The “Broken Bond-Girl” backstory.

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

"This is why I sleep with random spies!"

Mr. Silver

"Bond...James Bond."

"Tila Limesalt"

"You're joking."

"Lemme tell you my story, Mr. Bond."

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Ms. Rose

Dad made me watch all the old Bond movies when I was young. Imagine his discomfort at having to explain to his only daughter (only child, period) why the name Pussy Galore was innuendo. "Does she own lots of cats, daddy?"

Mr. Blue

Heheh

Ms. Rose

"Go ask your mother."

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Mr. Silver

I need penned in at a cabin somewhere with a computer and printer and a couple attendants...

With whips...

"You working on your novel?"

"Well...see, I thought I'd - "

(shhWACK!!!)

"I'm writing I'm writing!!!!"

Ms. Rose

"Doo you zhink zis ees some kind of fffacation in zhis secluded cabin?! WRITE! WRITE NOW, you seeeely American!" *crack*

"Vee have vays of making you write..."

Mr. Silver

Creativity Nazis...yeah...that's it.

"Vee hear you haff zecrret plans, ja? Yoo vill wrrite zem down. Vis illuzzdrations und editted, yes?" (Slap slap!)

"OK! OK! I'll finish!"

Ms. Rose

"Lack of eeemagination iz not zee option! Penzil on da paper! NOW!"

Mr. Silver

"I'll need to do research, of course...I'll n-"

(riding crop smacks on desk)

"NEIN!"

Mr. Amethyst

Riding crop motivation...

Mr. Silver

You know...as a workshop weekend event, this could rake in some serious loot.

Different themes...boot camp...Nazi prison...keep it fresh.

Ms. Rose

Sign me up to be bitchy writing Nazi #1.

Mr. Silver

(Medieval cardinal in red silks, holding manuscript. Hooded goons with red hot pokers) "A mere 150 pages of novelized confession? I really don't enjoy doing this, you know... (holds up to flaming brazier) They tell me it took you hours before they printed this and wiped your save file. Are you...sure? There...isn't...more? That you can confess?"

Mr. Blue

Did MST3K ever do Plan 9?

Mr. Silver

No, they wouldn't touch Plan 9

Rifftrax or Cinematic Titanic might have.

Mr. Blue

Too bad... It's certainly more riffable than “Monster A Go Go”

Mr. Silver

I think that was one of the points against doing it...too easy.

Another was that it was a cult film.

Mr. Blue

Yeah. It's the rare movie that's hilarious on its own.

Mr. Silver

They feared the cultural damage of it becoming an “MST3K movie”, perhaps.

Mr. Blue

Riffing would just interrupt its own humor.

Mr. Silver

Yup

Mr. Blue

Like cars changing colors, going from day to night and back to day, the cop scratching his forehead with the barrel of his gun

The last was my favorite part. I guess the actor did it just to see if anyone would even notice.

Mr. Silver

"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I will spend the rest of our lives!"

Mr. Blue

"And remember, future events such as these will affect you, in the future."

Wood basically just kind of used everything at his disposal and wrote around what he had available.

"Well...I got Bela, desperate for money, and this prop octopus... let's fit that into a film somehow."

Mr. Silver

I appreciate his method.

Ed just wanted to FILM, damn it!

"You SEE? You SEE? Your stupid minds! Stupid!"

Mr. Blue

I mean, it probably wouldn't be much better if I had a ton of ambition to film something.

I'd have to use what was around me, which would probably include Paul Gaudino and the Mars “space ship”

Mr. Silver

X Mall as "Mars Station Epsilon"

Mr. Brown

I have a glow in the dark Jason mask

Hehe

Mr. Silver

You're in as our romantic lead, then!

Mr. Brown

“I am from planet Hockey. It is similar to your earth game, but we play it in the dark with explosives.”

Mr. Silver

(directing) "Ok, Mr. Brown...go up to the Queen of the Space Hotties and attempt to talk to her."

"Oh my god!  She's... … Is there a script?  What do I say?"

"Wing it. Rolling!  Action!"

"Um...greetings from Earth...I'm...gee that is a tight outfit. Oh God!  She's totally naked in body paint!"

"Still rolling..."

Mr. Blue

I do like considering places for filming locations.

"Hmm... this street could be pre WW2 middle America"

"This building looks oddly futuristic"

Know of a good place in Omaha for a futuristic setting?

Des Moines, I mean?

Mr. Silver

Isn't it already?

Mr. Silver

Disney's new toy.  As wonderful as they usually are, but clearly sinister in the hands of the correct villains.

http://www.wired.com/2015/03/disney-magicband/

“A deceptively simple wristband everyone is sent after setting up your trip online...pick what you want to do...even order meals. And everything is not only laid out for you, but if stuff starts going wrong it directs you to other stuff you'll like or gives you rewards and such to make you feel better.

Send characters your way..."win" freebies and coupons. They could even film your experiences on the rides and in the park with the thousands of cameras around and send you a video!”

(Me reading) "Oh...my...God..."

"There are all sorts of companies inquiring about the system!"

Yeah...I'll bet there are.

Mr. Green

If something goes wrong, it glows blue—never red. Red lights are forbidden at Disney, as they imply something bad happened. Nothing bad can happen at Disney World.

Mr. Silver

Except collapsing from the heat and sunburn. Neither of those is blue.

Mr. Green

Heheh

But if they install heart/vitals monitors, they could help prevent that too...lol

Hydrators and lotion dispensing people who just appear.

Mr. Silver

(Princess Jasmine approaches with a pitcher of lemonade and cups)

"Hi! Just passing through."

"It's the wristband, right? Tells you we needed hydration?"

"No NO! Just coincidence and a little magic." (secretly nods)

"Nice!"

"Dreams come true here!"

"Good! On that note, does the Disney magic register the kind of hots I've always had for Princess Jasmine?"

"Uh... ... ... I'll check."

"Please do."

Mr. Green

LOL

Mr. Silver

"Red outfit.  I'd give the hotel and room but the magic already knows."

8:10 AM

"Yes sir."

Mr. Blue

Are Siths a race or just a group?

Mr. Silver

Sith was a race, then an ideal, then an empire headed by the mystics, then a couple wizards and their lackies.

All the movies are in the Couple Wizards phase

The old Sith Empire vs the Republic was finished off thousands of years ago after a bunch of wars.

Palpatine was the only one who succeeded in taking over everything since.

The Jedi didn't even know there still were any Sith...and he used that.

There were only 2

That was "the rule"

Mr. Brown

But each could have students.

Mr. Blue

My emperor brings all the lords to the yard...

Mr. Silver

Granted, those 2 had all sorts of secrets from each other. It was a terribly stupid idea.

Problem with the Rule of Two is there wasn't much way to figure out how many Twos there were.

"Fool!" 
"Simpleton!" 
"You will be destroyed for your arrogance!"

"Your passions betray you!"

(chorus) "You will learn the true power of the Sith!"

(Pause)

"Did you say...?"

"You're Sith too?"

Mr. Blue

Heheh

Mr. Silver

"You can't be Sith! The Rule of Two!"

"I was gonna say the same thing."

"Who is your master?"

"Darth Bombast."

"Don't know him. I have Darth Uppity. His master was Darth Goob."

"Goob...Goob...I though my great grand Darth killed him."

"Darth Icky?"

"Yeah!"

(Chorus) "Oooooohhhh (giggles)"

"Small dark galaxy of hate and power, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah. So...prepare to die?"

"Meh... Wanna join up? What do you say we kill off the other two and rule everything?"

"Deal!"

355 - The Day Mr. Silver Set Everyone Up For A Fatwa, and Everyone But Me Also Gets Bonus Condemnation For Shoving Metal Rods & Blotches Of Paint Into Themselves

(**Disclaimer: I am not anti-Islam.  This segment is not about bashing the principles of innocent believers. It is about discovery, assessment, and opinion of “Truth”. I don't have any issues with the fully evolved religion of a culture and how it is practiced today, but -- as an anthropologist with a prime interest in etiology -- I am very interested in their origins. Let's just say I didn't seek out a pre-decided conclusion or have any expectations about how this would play out. Unfortunately it went far worse than I would have guessed. For that I am a sympathetic sorry. - Mr. Silver)

Mr. Silver

So, on the other side you got bounced from, Mr. Yellow got into this scheme of making a Muslim comic book hero to make ISIS look like the medieval twits they...are.

Ms. Rose

Rose likes talking in the 3rd person. She thinks everyone should start doing it, for today.

Mr. Silver

We had somewhat different visions of the project as one might imagine.

Mr. Yellow's...

...and my good one.

Mr. Silver

Anyway...

Ms. Rose

I can't imagine Muslims get a fair representation in the comic book world.

I mean, fair to them.

Mr. Silver

Probably not. But this point is, he was proposing origin story ideas and I was investigating Islam and Mohammad...

I knew a fair amount of things, but I'd never dived into Islam with specific questions.

A rather interesting comment that popped (recalling I get to read single lines in Google searches here half the time) is that to qualify as a prophet, one must actually prophesy things.  And the opposing teams in the One True games seem to suggest Muhammad hasn't provided any.

Ms. Rose

No! Surely not!

Mr. Silver

I know! Anyway, so that led to me trying to find any sort of...you know...list.

Prophesies...success rate...

Wasn't going too well...opinions seemed to be mixed but most seemed to be predictions ABOUT him coming.

So I changed tactics and hit the wiki of the guy himself to learn more.

(reading) "Blah blah...birth...job...cave...Here we are...1st revelation"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad%27s_first_revelation

Now...

This is the man who came to restore the one true literal faith of Abraham as God intended and that God personally wrote about in the Old Testament...right?

(paste of 1^st revelation)

--

“Proclaim! (or read!) in the name of thy Lord and Cherisher, Who created-

Created man, out of a (mere) clot of congealed blood:

Proclaim! And thy Lord is Most Bountiful,-

Who taught (the use of) the pen,-

Taught man that which he knew not.”

--

(me) "Errr...that's actually wrong."

Mr. Blue

Wasn't Adam created out of dust?

Mr. Silver

THE - literal - grand high Old Testament, written by the Hand of God says zip about congealed blood, but does clearly say 'clay'.

Clay, dust, dirt, smutz...in this case it doesn't matter.

Because you can't even be creative with the languages and get 'blob of congealed blood' out of Genesis, and Islam venerates the Bible.

Mohammad

Is

A

Fraud

As revealed in the words of the vision that got him declared a prophet...even though it is not a prophesy.

Either he, or God, or Gabriel, was wrong.

1. It is theologically impossible that God was...

2. It is theologically conceivable Gabriel was, in which case Gabriel was a defiler and  

    Muhammad and all who followed were victims of the scheme of a fallen angel.

3. It is most likely Muhammad was delusional...or (wince) lied about the angel to achieve 

    his ends.

Even the BEST case scenario...delusion...invalidates him.

Mr. Blue

Technically, Jesus is a fraud too.

Not even "technically". He is bogus.

So if it's real at all, the only legitimate Abrahamic religion is Judaism.

Mr. Silver

There are all kinds of good words out there for bogus, and Judaism has it's own problems, but I was getting to something related to that.

After more poking around, I thought it was interesting that - in their apocalypse story - the guy who shows up at the end to save Islam at the last battle is not Muhammad, but Jesus.

Mr. Amethyst

Buddha is my dude.

Mr. Brown

Jesus is kinda like Buddha: be good to all things

Judaism is one of the originals

The Jews were the ones that turned on Jesus in the stories.

They got pissed at him for what he was doing and had him killed.

Mr. Blue

Because he was a false prophet according to the Jews.

Mr. Brown

I would say his values were good.

Mr. Blue

So are mine. There is no need for 1 billion people to worship me though.

Mr. Brown

That is the strangest part about it though, the Jews turning on him: How could it come to that?

Mr. Silver

You need to hang out at Sunday School for a couple weeks. You sure you're actually Christian, Mr. Brown?

Back to Islam though. How disappointing it will be at the end.

(Leader of the last 5000 looking at calm faced man in ancient clothes, weaponless. Reads note the man hands him)

"Dear faithful! Good job! As promised, I sent our second string prophet for the last battle despite my decade of military experience! He's a bit scrawny and doesn't know a thing about strategy or combat. But a prophesy is a prophesy, right? He agreed to bring the bright horse, flaming sword and silver breastplate but said he won't use them...something about humility. - M"

(Leader of the last 5000 looks at celestial horse with holy weapons bundled on it)

"P.S. Turns out on top of his inexperience that he's a total pacifist. Not sure how you're gonna win a war at this point unless he actually is the Son of God and I just had a brain fart insisting he wasn't. Good luck, guys!"

Mr. Brown

God is not pacifist. Hehe.

“I make them, I tell you to kill them, and then I'll make others to kill you.”

Mr. Silver

Well, that's God though.

There was not a lot of war talk from his kid, though.

(In fact, I could only find a single quote. It has been rationalized to support the notion that Jesus was not anti-war. Unfortunately for the people who desperately want it to be true, it says nothing that would support the argument whatsoever. - Mr. Silver)

Mr. Brown

Nope. He doesn't want to be that way.

“Yeah, Dad, I know I can just create stuff out of nothing and destroy it at will, but I would rather keep the stuff that's already there and teach it not to kill itself and others.

Like most people say: God has a strange sense of humor.

Did I spell that right?

Mr. Silver

Hard to say...which word? (At this point I regretted cleaning up Mr. Brown's text. - Mr. Silver)

Mr. Brown

Humor

Mr. Silver

As in “ha ha”? Yes.

(Final notes: In editing this at home and with high hopes for an interesting read, I decided to look into this 'list of Muhammad's prophesies' idea again and found this page – http://www.answering-christianity.com/prophecies_by_prophet_muhammad.htm. I read through most of them before giving up close to the end in frustration. In light of the degree of rationalization required to make almost all of these (often theologically-irrelevant) prophesies “true”, as well as recent scientific findings that parts of the Koran predate the man given credit for the work, AND the glaring error that prompted me to continue this investigation, my opinion of Islam and their big man is sliding rapidly to the level of Mormonism and Joseph Smith.  Somehow I failed to prophesy this happening. – Mr. Silver)

Mr. Brown

What ear lobes are.

Mr. Silver

Decorative, apparently.

Mr. Brown

I lost my cucumber.

Mr. Amethyst

That's not ok.

Mr. Brown

I like finishing these sentences.

You should put some salt on that and dance a polka.

Mr. Silver

Thanks for the new anthropological ponder, Mr. Brown.

Earlobes...

Ears are not exactly attractive things.

Yet we've been selecting for useless earlobes to stay stuck on for a bazillion generations.

Ms. Rose

Lobes that are too big are as equally creepy as those lobes that are, like, nonexistent and smooshed into your head. (That's the medical terminology...)

Mr. Silver

These things on our heads, the ears that we hide under hair and such, don't look right without the lobes.

Conclusion? “Mama likes a nice set a 'lobes'.”

We even attach crap to 'em.

Ms. Rose

Like my 11 ear piercings?

Mr. Brown

I had my ear pierced twice, before I had surgery on that side of my face. It caused my whole ear to go numb until it healed. Now it feels weird and can have exacerbated pain.

Mr. Amethyst

I had 3.

I have 0 holes now.

Mr. Blue

All my holes stayed.

Mr. Amethyst

I want to redo my tongue and … breasticles.

Ms. Rose

I've had all 11 of my ear piercing since I was 13, at the latest. The tongue's been there since I was 15. It was so damn cool in 1995. But now I sometimes feel weird knowing it's been there for 20 years. :-/

Yes...1995 was 20 years ago. I know, right?!

Mr. Brown

I had a cartilage piercing and a lobe piercing.

I got the lobe to show my sister it did not hurt.

Ms. Rose

I have a 1.5" industrial through my top right ear.

Mr. Blue

My ears were pierced at 7, no nipples (not ever).

Ms. Rose

My first ear piercing was done before I was 1 because I had a weird aunt. She insisted on the 'ol piercing gun. Everything since then was done with a needle.

Mr. Amethyst

I did my cartilage with a safety pin...did my lip with a thumb tack.

Mr. Brown

My cousin pierced her own tongue. Messed it up too.

Hehe

Mr. Blue

Yeah, I wouldn't wanna mess with that. Your tongue is important.

Mr. Amethyst

Yeah, I'd never want to try my own tongue.

Mr. Brown

I'm not sure how somebody would come up with a Prince Albert. That's just not right.

Ms. Rose

I passed out twice when they did my tongue. My mom had to be there to sign for me since I was a minor. She was kind of upset watching her daughter hit the floor with a pokey needle in her mouth.

Mr. Amethyst

Eww

I lost a bet with Mrs. Amethyst and had to get mine done. I'd do it again, but mine closed in like a day of taking it out.

Mr. Brown

Tongues heal fast. Its important they do.

Mr. Amethyst

Yeah, but after a year it should have lasted at least 2-3 days, you's think.

I have Wolverine's tongue.

Mr. Brown

I am happy that you did not lose a bet and have to get a Prince Albert. That would be a pretty big one to lose.

Hehe

Mr. Amethyst

Yeah...you gotta be hard for that, and there’s no way I could after seeing that needle.

Mr. Silver 

(Scribbling in anthropologist notebook like a madman trying to keep up) "The female subject seems to have initiated some form of escalating competition between the males I call Bobo and Mohawk..."

Mr. Brown

Let's attach something through this, here, so it can get ripped off easier.

Mr. Amethyst

LOL @Mr. Silver

Mr. Brown

Attach a bell to it.

Ding ding! “Time to play!”

Mr. Amethyst

A whole new meaning to "My Dingaling"

Mr. Brown

Haahahahaa

Mr. Amethyst

OMG! I'll tattoo "Ring bell for service" above it!

Mr. Brown

Ouch!!

I know somebody has to have a “Pump Action” tattoo.

That has to be something on a wall in a parlor somewhere.

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

Mr. Silver

(scribbling) "Petunia and Hockey participated early but backed off when the other two escalated from hanging bananas from their ears and went to fight over the Jerry cans on my Range Rover."

Ms. Rose

Bwwwahahaha! "Petunia"

But please, tell me you don't think of me as Petunia Pig. I'd have to stab myself in the eye. (To die, not to pierce it...)

Mr. Amethyst

LOL

This is amazing research!

Mr. Silver

(scribbling) "The pain must truly be horrific, but Mohawk is bravely claiming the bamboo slivers don't hurt. Bobo is escalating the challenge to piranha attached to the buttocks."

“Mohawk has accepted."

Mr. Amethyst

LOL